I got a fever. About 37 degree. I usually felt a little sweety these days. I felt dumb about the change of temperatures. I can not tell the difference between coldness and warmness.

 

I'm not used to such feeling. I just did not have the ability to control my body movement. I still don't know why I got a fever. But when I realise that I got a fever, I actually feel that I'm sick. No medicine to heal myself, no place to roar out my feeling. How can I be sick? I'm made of steel, nothing can erode me,actually,which I insist on.

 

It has already lasted for about two or three days. My body's temperature is higher, but my sence of temperature is less sensitive, actually I felt sort of colder. That's wared when I'm really in, although I know why. The circumstance is even unorderly.

I felt so sleepy, today. I can even not concentrate on my study. Such a feeling make me exhausted as if I cought a cold. The head is hurting chronically. I even did not hear the alarm clock.

 

If I'm not able to deal with my study in graduate school, how can I lead a easy life? I wish my sleepy time is short and I will become energy again, soon.

 

PS: I can not afford the IBM thinkpad, now. Stop thinking over that again and again, which cost me a lot of energy. Sticking to one aim I will achieve that as soon as possible.

I need self-confidence! I always doubt if I can accomplish my duty. I see that many times I do not have that kind of intuition to going on. I usually enjoy in deceive myself that everything is ok. I do not mean that  pessimistic mood is ok. See, I'm lack of self-confidence, again.

 

I should convince myself that I can think over problems rationally. I'm not that kind of person who dive into life just for fun. I'm a intellect. Along my way of life are subsequently growing of knowledges which can enhace me into believing that the world is spinning aroud the sun. Even if I'm wrong, do not be afraid. Nobody can make no mistake. I believe I have the strength to fight the fear.

 

Again, I want to say that fear is fear, face it directly!

Fear is fear.So face it, directly!

 

You will not be able to know the position where you are correctly if you do not dig a little deeper. You will feel regret till you recognize that. Actually, I often give up when I did not reach it, anyway. I felt scared when I heard what they told me. When thinking over the problem again, I always touch the same side of the story.

 

Depressed! There's just no time to feel that way. I wish I can say that, which is a perfect position when you want to forget or get in to something. Always people choose to focus on one thing to alternate the mood sad or cloudy. There you can undergo a wonderful feeling like in heaven. Nothing will bother you even though the world is changing day after day. That's none of your business.

 

Dig a little deeper. Maybe I will find something will suprise me. Maybe I will find that I'm not that kind of fool. There're lots of faces for me to find on myself. I wish a better day, tomorrow!

I have written my blog for many times. But I can not submit it. It's very depressing. I have deposited myself for a long time. I don't know if I can stand upright again. I have to work hard. I have to lead a healthy life. I have to do many things I have to do.

 

 

I have already calculated this project for a long, long time. But I can not get any progress. That's depressive. I feel that maybe I'm not fit to research life. I can not find any way out to solve my problem. Anyway, I can not find where my problem is, which makes me horrible. I know it's too late to regret to go on study. I have to face my fate and insist on my study. I haven't right to say no to my life.

 

I feel very exhausted. I do not know how to relax myself. It's terrible. I usually stay somewhere almost still a whole day, dull.  The feeling of useless made me crazy. I often think about the reason why I go on study in USTC. I get nothing. Maybe it is wrong from the beginning.

 

I often complain in my blog. Because I know you, my friends , will persuade me to lead a new and energy life. Thank you all, intensively.